Do you find yourself pacing up and down, worrying over and over about the same issue? How much time are you wasting on worry and thinking about the problem? Do you feel disempowered, stuck in a rut, indecisive, tired and stressed out about it? Do you feel time slipping by as the problem grows closer and bigger and you keep running circles in your mind? Here is what you can do about it.
A Dutch saying called 'ijsberen' refers to the pacing up and down with worry - photo credit: firutin
11 Steps to eliminating worry and solving your problems
Step 1: Define the problem
What is it exactly what you are worrying about. Define the problem, put it on paper.
Step 2: What are the consequences of each possible outcome?
Think worst case scenario. Be a devil’s advocate. For a majority of problems, things won’t actually look so bad and you’ll be amazed how often your worry will disintegrate right there.Asking yourself “will you still be alive if this goes wrong” may sound simplistic but often has a profound effect.
Step 3: What fear are you associating with this worry?
This might be the most powerful of all steps. When you are able to articulate and word out what the actual fear is behind the worry, strangely you will start to feel more at ease. Try to get right to your root fear, so continue to ask what the real fear is until you get no new answers. Be honest about it.
Step 4: What challenge lies within this problem?
This is a very powerful question, it can shift your whole thinking. At worst, it can help you see the silver lining. Every problem comes with a challenge. The challenges in life are those what reward us, bring us experience, satisfaction and help us grow. Think what opportunities are there. If you are having trouble with that, just consider all the positives about the situation. Consider doing step 8 before this, if you are having trouble coming up with ideas.
Step 5: What are the possible solutions?
Go over each course of action you can take. What choices are within your reach? What can you possibly do? Not only will thinking about solutions cause you to stop worrying, you might find the solution to your problem. And even if you don’t at the present time, just by making it clear what you can and can’t do, that will alleviate a lot of weight of your shoulders.
Step 6: What is the best solution?
After having written down and clarified all the possibilities and outcomes, what is your best course of action? Most people like to consult others before making a decision. It’s a good idea to get feedback, but pick your consultant wisely. A neutral perspective is best. I personally don’t like asking people for advice too often, but I have an imaginary advisory panel I consult for any subject that (Yes I know that sounds crazy, but it’s the next best thing to having the worlds greatest minds at your dinner table ready and willing to hear you out).
Step 7: When will you apply it?
So you know what looks like the best course of action at the present time, now plan when and how you are going to implement it. One of my favorite ideas from Dale Carnegies book is applying the ‘Stop-Loss-order’ for any given situation. Which in summary comes down to setting a criteria for how far you will allow a situation to get to before you take action.
Step 8: What can you delegate to other people/forces?
It’s common – especially for those that never ask for help – to overlook incredibly easy ways to solving problems. Ask for help and delegate tasks! Who could do this for you? Consider everyone you know and their resources, look beyond the familiar small group of people you turn towards. Most people love to help! Hand out tasks to other people, don’t try to do it all yourself. And last but not least: it’s a powerful thing to surrender things to an outside force. Resign as manager of the universe and you’ll find things will go much smoother. A lot of things solve by themselves (Walk yourself mentally through some occasions in your life that things worked themselves out without you doing anything).
Step 9: Wouldn’t it be nice if…
There is a playful process I have learnt that really is extremely effective in shifting my footing on any given subject. Ask yourself ‘wouldn’t it be nice if’ and consider outcomes that would be an improvement over the current circumstances. Do this gradually and you will start to shift from thinking disaster scenarios to finding hope and to becoming optimistic. You’ll also find new ideas to your problem, just by forcing your mind to ask that question over and over again. Wouldn’t it be nice if…<fill in the blank>
Step 10: Set a clear intention
Say it out loud, write it down: What exactly are you intending to occur? It’s hard to explain why this is so crucial. Intention is pivotal. Ever have to go to a party without wanting to initially, but after some thought you thought ‘oh well, I’m going to have fun’. Intention is everything. It sets the tone for acting from your plan instead of continually responding to whatever comes your way.
Step 11: Visualize the best possible solution in present tense
Picture the problem as being resolved. Feel the feelings of elation. Feel the weight falling of your shoulders right now. Or even more powerful, state the problem in the past tense. Say ‘it is done’. You merely have to act out your plan.
Having done these steps, all that rests you is to act out your plan! Constructive action is the ultimate antidote to worry.