I failed at three studies before I found one that I loved and completed (Psychology in case you were wondering). But after I dropped out of my 2nd study I was so disenfranchised with my results and my effectivity that I became determined to ‘improve my self’. I sought after techniques to make me a better and faster learner. If only I could learn quicker, I would sail through whatever course I took, whether the material was interesting to me or not. I had time to make up after all.
The problem with my initial orientation was that instead of looking to improve, what I really was trying to do is troubelshoot myself, as if I were broken. I couldn’t understand why, while talented enough, I wasn’t getting much meaningful done. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t realizing any of my potential.
The interesting development for me was that in learning about various materials that could improve me as a learner, I stumbled upon books that also touched on metaphysics, personal development and spirituality. Metaphysics quickly intrigued me, the ideas, at the time, were completely new to me. I had some early successes that really opened my mind. Spirituality was foreign to me, I didn’t even really understand what is was. But the more I learned the more I understood about why my initial motivation was misguided.
Today I have adopted a very broad and rich definition of spirituality. To me it is about our relationships. Our relationship with ourselves, the universe, others, nature, our thoughts, our mind and the part of ourselves that is beyond limitation. I identify people as having a spiritual identity that is infinite and perfect. When our relationships affirm limitation, we our out of harmony with our spiritual identity, when are relationships affirm infinite potential, we are in harmony with our spiritual identity. I see spirituality being at the heart of the conversation on just about any problem, whether we realize it or not. Because every conversation we have is describing how we perceive our relationships with everything.
We have a relationship with ourself.
When I first set out to become a more efficient learner I was trying to improve myself. What I really was telling myself was that I thought I needed fixing, something was amiss in me. But now I realize I was approaching the issue from the wrong level. I didn’t see that my relationship with myself was out of balance. I had lost touch with the part of myself that is faultless, infinite potential.
What we say reflects on our relationships.
One of the most common thoughts was “I need to” fill in the blank “in order to”. I needed to finish everything I started in order to be a worthy human being. I needed to get with the program in order to be accepted by others. Consequently, everytime I failed at something, I felt less of myself. My response to that was to try and become smarter, more efficient, more disciplined, more motivated. But every time I found myself making a stupid mistake, or inffecient, or lacking discipline, or unmotivated, I critiqued myself. My own belief had me punishing myself over and over. I was cultivating a toxic relationship with myself.
We all do it
I wasn’t the only one who did this (surprise). To a large degree, we encourage it in eachother. We measure ourselves, compare ourselves, we gauge people based on the results they have achieved. It’s hard not to, it is so embedded into our society.
I have noticed most of our attempts to become more productive originate from the wrong level of thinking. It perpetuates a toxic relationship with ourself. If we attempt to be more productive for the sake of getting better results or to fix ourselves or our situations with more action, we practice a separation from our infinite selves. We are depending our sense of self esteem, our worthiness, our inner peace based on what we achieve in the world. Everything we don’t do, damages that.
No time management book or self help book is truly going to help you unless you break out of that cycle. In fact, the books might even make it worse. You might be more efficient, you might work harder, you might be better organised, you might be getting better results. But it will never be good enough. You will still be feeding the wrong relationship. You will be no closer to what you really want.
Over the last few years I have come to realize that just in the field of productivity and time management, the reason why we really read about these subjects is to solve questions that need to be addressed on a spiritual level. They are based on the relationships we have.
Had any of these thoughts?
“I don’t have enough time” ( affirms that time is limited )
“I’m not getting enough done” ( affirms that you’ve failed to produce enough )
“I need to be disciplined” ( affirms that being undisciplined is bad )
“I need to be motivated” ( affirms that we need to be motivated all the time on certain subjects and that your degree of effort determines that outcome )
“I need to make more money” ( affirms there is a lack of support/money available to you)
“There’s not enough time” ( affirms that whatever you wanting to experience, there is a time shortage for it to occur )
“I need to make a bigger impact” ( affirms that your value is determined by your impact )
All of these statements enforce a relationship with ourselves, the world, the universe, other people, that is based on limitation and conditionality. It generates a feeling of ‘not enough’.
When we cultivate a healthy and productive relationship with ourselves and everything that relates to us we are becoming spiritually mature. We come from a place of peace, feeling complete and loved, regardless of the situation. It’s a far more productive starting point.
Nowadays I try to ask myself a different question when I want to step into a higher gear. Instead of affirming a limiting situation, I simply try to get myself into flow. I follow my curiousity, what gets me excited, what drives me. I’m at my most productive when I do that and I find myself building better relationships with everything that matters to me.
Oh, have you ever seen Byron Katie’s work on youtube on “not living up to your *full potential*”? It’s just awesome.
Here’s the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM4jtnR6pww